Keepin’ The Crazy Alive

Living in a downtown urban area, I have been privileged to witness many strange occurrences.  Some of my personal favourites include:

1. The two classy gentlemen fighting on the lawn of the apartment across the street. At least they had good enough manners to stop for a courtesy pee break on the sidewalk.

2. The homeless lady attempting to clean her feet with her teeth. I’m pretty sure she would be a natural yogi.

3. The slightly odd young man dressed like a skinhead, walking down the middle of the street yelling about the depravity of the human race.  He was going to demonstrate this opinion by defecating on the world (that is a direct quote). Thankfully, he didn’t deliver.

That guy actually stopped traffic. I would have stopped for him too if I wasn’t watching the commotion from the safety of my third story window. I figured it would have been hard-pressed to top an event like that, but you just have to have a little faith and the crazies will appear.

The other night after my pole dancing class (it’s not just for strippers anymore), I was waiting to cross the street when I saw a slight commotion to my left.  I turned just in time to see a man of about forty, dressed in his best spandex pants and donning a pair of headphones, crossing the street from the other direction.  At the same time, there was a little blue Honda attempting to turn right, and the driver was slowly inching his way forward to be able to see around the parked cars to safely make his turn. This of course caused him to be in the direct path of the pedestrian in his very stretchy pants.  Now, being a runner, I have been in this situation many times.  You’re trying to cross the road, but some guy is parked across it and you just pray he sees you before he guns it to beat the traffic and you get run over (in your stretchy pants).

This pedestrian wasn’t taking any chances though.  He felt that the driver of the car was way too close to his personal space so he got in the drivers personal space.  Directly in front of his car.  As in, knees on the front of the bumper so the driver of that little blue car wasn’t going anywhere.

What do you do if somebody stands directly in front of your car so you can’t move forward?  I’m pretty sure that most people would just reverse their car and find an alternate route to avoid a confrontation, but not this ballsy driver.  He rolled down his window and asked “What are you doing in front of my car?”.  I figured that was a fair enough question.  The pedestrian gave an equally fair answer “You were in my way, so now I’m in your way”.  And so the standoff began.

The driver answered with a blast of his car horn and the pedestrian crossed his arms and settled in for the long haul.  There was talk of people getting run over and headlights getting smashed but thankfully it never escalated to that.  I had no idea you could blast a car horn for that long with no interruption.  They really are quite loud.

I was waiting for it to come to an exchange of punches, but, after several minutes and many colourful word exchanges, the pedestrian finally continued on his way, and the driver of the little blue car sped off as fast as he could. Tires spinning, and leaving a cloud of smoke in his wake.  I’m guessing that altercation had just ruined his night.  Mr. Spandex had successfully pissed off Mr. Honda.

Sometimes I’m amazed at the way people act towards each other.  It never really had to come to that.  But sometimes tempers flare, people get caught up in the moment, and it can happen to the best of us.  Sometimes stopping and acknowledging you may have made a mistake is the best way of avoiding a bad situation.  Ah, who am I kidding?  If people weren’t crazy sometimes what would I have to write about?  Keep the crazy alive people.


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